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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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9 Y3 m( M" R' X  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一* ~- `$ l: {- H0 T. c2 g

+ g" c3 U- a9 I( `; T  辆然后求上帝宽恕。' h9 R+ y: V7 W- C0 s* _
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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+ T: @" E- G( E  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.- }6 a4 `8 \* b* M7 N" `
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you! |/ M* B6 `+ L5 B, l: ?

$ \( G- `$ c6 c0 k$ n. n  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你6 ^. i7 C: D! A
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.4 N" N2 o6 R0 `+ }5 N5 _
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。2 y2 k5 s7 x$ W" R; M, e1 V( _

3 \5 j  r5 D! b9 ?$ ~# W  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。8 f8 |3 I; G' a9 f3 C, N3 ^2 {3 @# E

* T2 m8 A; p3 F$ W* F% K3 @! t3 {6 G  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。- B- M3 M2 A0 D) i. o: A& a; D
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.1 H2 n( T# ]+ U  G% G" s

0 v9 }9 E2 f: E+ {; o  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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: N0 e! K" t2 y9 ~. h7 ]  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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4 W+ d+ ^# q: _  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.- b) v0 D2 u" y

4 ^- e9 H. W3 B9 S9 J  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.! A1 T5 K# m. Y7 c4 O

6 a# S, \! f2 V$ v5 G, R9 M* f  n  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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3 Q, Z" x. c7 Y! ~" U  better have a good hand.
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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0 L& Y* V5 c2 R8 }, g" A  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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6 U% o0 [) }" e: j  Z( k- `' w  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去! e; K- R# ~7 d, F

: R* A8 b  k$ m8 u, S6 R8 l  还是很有喜感。. W9 I9 r+ a. \5 d' `2 J- L; F2 V
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan! P& c* Y, ]9 e# R8 t
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.( C$ r: H% y, n8 B1 W: s# C

  s  \* g3 |4 ]  y; M/ I  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship* h! P* z# t. m( F% j( ?

$ d! _3 z2 i, N3 k, [  .
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!& g6 R/ ~1 {" Q1 I; x, T

3 k# Q& O( h8 x* y/ M: p, `  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.& K) Q3 n  I: {2 U

3 D1 e! A& W, |  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。0 z( i6 r1 s- E- Q
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio* z  H. j* f+ o
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  n, make him a sandwich.
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/ P- U5 R1 h! S# Y' a  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...5 D* m* S3 [# p" @# d; m

, h8 x; N& g& t0 \8 d  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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, N1 Q% K* Z9 D  B  m) v2 x  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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: K- H9 H  v7 X; C; I; ~- K  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment& Q5 S% z1 W% J+ z! M
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  s.
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1 y6 b4 R# J* y3 U, v% Z; O8 m6 f  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫"": y, s6 h8 X1 D( K" d
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.& b7 B# r: g. i8 L9 x; J: u, b: a
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...9 _- @& k; }8 e
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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% R8 a( j( W8 D) W  b" s  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  Z0 {! n; \& q8 C6 r6 I  v- ^" Q7 m  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole6 M% d7 C% Y# s2 l$ I8 v
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  box to start a campfire?1 t  g" j+ C& k) W) Y! B2 B2 s
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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. Q5 N7 G5 O# `, j; I  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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6 c, M2 r% W& L9 ]+ S5 z: D2 u  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy4 c  `8 M, d/ z8 C+ r
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  s it?
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8 i& i+ g; p% |* Y) o  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr$ I. e( H8 @0 }6 Z. A
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  uit salad.! n" {+ p3 u( c9 e+ p% N" A, M. J# A

  _5 c# ?8 y+ L( j8 @+ J  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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) f. [' ]- |% X3 `/ b3 C0 h8 r* I  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个8 s+ I  M( @9 |; S# ^& M- T

/ p5 O7 L  |$ H1 I  篮子。  A3 S9 ^7 x6 J! U+ M: I$ P- j

+ ^6 Z' E$ s% r% ~6 I5 Q! _' m  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"9 P9 ?! ?  c7 ~' `" K' a

) X' c2 `( N/ T# V  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.: }( O+ @# M( p5 \( e( z
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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+ W. M: d" i3 J) r+ h3 W  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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$ f# @5 T$ A$ N2 M6 S( O# ^  same night.( t5 H6 c7 W3 ?5 E! F
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。5 b  T) \+ H. |& z2 R- n- k
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian4 a* [  k, t3 A$ m

! P$ D4 k* S  I! P8 d  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。0 T  b/ d# y% P) o! S" l

9 s- |7 N+ y% ^0 C9 k4 O9 T. o  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops2 X3 d8 ~' Y% Z* A
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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4 t( g. e7 G5 o" Z% K  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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. v% D# @& y7 w$ L+ c4 `% w  m fish?/ w4 W" I  t5 b7 S1 q

" J' S; y+ H( f: ]% z  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃' m8 P3 }! O" D7 V. @2 I
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  了。. B' L( E$ j+ D9 W7 i: w1 D

9 n4 `+ t( b( Y, D2 O- }  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin2 w$ ^3 G9 l6 B9 z& C
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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+ Q$ I3 f; E% U) c' ~  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan" T2 c- g2 x- i6 I

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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”) B* K* O7 ]# _# N' r  y4 X9 g, K/ l

* z7 E& p5 [1 Y4 M9 E5 d5 S  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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3 C) x; l/ ^. c% `7 z2 I2 A  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-2 k' l! W! N- y
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  up.) Y, f/ A9 g' h1 [# a

2 [+ P8 u  l7 L- F) U8 s. @  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。7 B1 Z- m) P: @
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu& E$ K# k6 j; S" q; F
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?) `/ p1 J! F" E, V
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al6 O0 ]. @" a! e" p* W3 R
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  l doubt.7 H- F; A& F0 V  \9 a6 _, {

( {" Y/ a1 S  l- y( ^6 j0 \  F" S! l  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。1 \8 D8 D! {% Z7 q+ m

  E2 t, G/ [7 a. F( H5 i$ i  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。3 Z$ j/ j( i; q+ W( e* r2 ~0 k! U
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释# [" }' D( n. T  K! Z: z/ t- }
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。, u3 b# E9 h3 U* {. k

- u4 c6 Y9 Q1 d1 Q, d- y  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don') {0 g2 x: m, b4 K$ L. U" Q  [
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  t need it.5 m2 ?: E  [$ R& F! Z' U
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方" {+ c, I" v* `, I

6 v$ L, u; F3 n. J) b  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。& U" V' G1 o$ j4 [- m3 G

' F+ v4 y9 W! q  W+ }  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。  [% y' P$ [: G# ]7 F

- b( W& e9 [! }) G$ i. E  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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( f( {5 x3 W: `$ s: `% q  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫% I4 ~5 f' m$ \
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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" J, U) s. y& Z, e  ]0 a5 _7 B0 Q$ E/ j" i  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?) a; k$ j  p, f5 f
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”! @4 {; a& O3 R* |7 }5 O# y1 H
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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, o" H7 A4 U6 T6 B2 P. W& Y  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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, c+ p. c. L  }/ \, Y  A7 U  G' q) g  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装- D* S0 `) Q" W0 b! `0 }- u

) M: X1 U. a% s7 U; e  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  P  U4 X& b9 H2 N( v- j: ^  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟": {6 d! q4 Y" ^

1 J7 T" i9 N2 P% H& j  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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. y/ j& Y0 @! c2 z  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.7 y+ j+ w* J  g# C
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等( {# v1 E2 a, j$ \* m

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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.% p/ V! Z: z1 b  i7 ?6 v+ w
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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+ h0 O3 K7 B4 T/ E8 r  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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( s( E, G5 S6 S% c, S' E  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!  B2 w; K- E" u, f% A
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear8 L, G6 z( H- q

+ d6 C. c8 q) l4 @/ r# j  B  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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- q# k9 F2 V& c5 q7 u1 B: y" r  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.+ f8 s& z* `$ Y( f. i

  u) D# I# Z' Q1 ~; r# D0 ?/ s  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a; E7 }: p, e, h$ c' O5 x" N4 `! S

8 l1 R. `& v" L# A# m  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.: Q0 U3 l5 `. t: i, Z
# Z+ k4 b2 o2 ^
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨8 l/ c' C/ X: c
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  叫声是一样滴。
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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: n) N6 B9 o' D) ?9 x: y5 z+ `8 J7 s  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。% U# x9 i" N5 l  \' C# |
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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1 \) l9 l% {+ H' a  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!) w' ?5 |2 m, r  W$ D

  r3 t: J! f# U" v. g! R  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc3 t) ?2 c) V: y; ~3 ?
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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/ J8 o1 w+ L* ~/ r2 q  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什& S" g9 D" i! E$ m% V

3 l/ Y, J, n7 F3 p. @3 j, U# V, D2 R  么忙?!. g5 k. o" i; l8 k, `
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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